You’re no hero
(oh boy, definitely NO!).
You’re:
a Uruk reaver,
a Snaga cutpurse,
a Warg Rider,
a tight-lipped Voidcaller,
master of the Black Tongue.
You seek the Boss’
precious treasure and man-flesh,
winning it with
sword and cunning,
caked in the
blood and filth of your own kin – your best friends and worst enemies.
There are
treasures to be won in the lands of the Free People of the Middle-Earth,
and you shall
have them,
because you
will…
…KILL BILBO!
You have toiled and dug deep in the most barren and dangerous lands of the Middle-Earth. You have fought for ages against Elven-scum and Dwarf-beasts. You have savored man-flesh after scourging their kingdoms from the face of the world.
And now, how dare the Boss send the Spooks instead of your team!? You am going to prove to the Boss that you can get the Job done!...
…of course, what is the Job?
The High-Ups in Lugbúrz won’t tell you (even after torture!). But you know, yes! A “Bilbo” has stolen something precious from the Boss. Maybe something powerful. You am going to get it back! (before those damn Spooks from Morgul, that is!) The Bilbo is something small, like human-spawn, with hairy feet, with lots of bagginses or pockets … so it is probably a burglar! Yes! A Bilbo is a half-man-thief. And your pack am going to find and kill the Bilbo!
You are Orcs in Middle-Earth, on a lonely mission to hunt down Bilbo Baggins and the precious gift he carries, to get it back for your Boss. You are going to cross the Middle-Earth into human, dwarven and elven lands to find it. You will use all your cunny, strength, and “evilness” to succeed!
Against you are arranged not only the Free People of the Middle-Earth but also monsters and your own Kin, either trying to get ahead of you or working for the Nazgûl (the only creatures Sauron trust to find and carry the Ring back).
I am not going to waste my time describing the setting: this is Middle-Earth (book, comics, movie, RPG versions etc. – use your favorite take!). Ideally, you would start the game in the end of the road sought by the Fellowship of the Ring – in Lugbúrz itself, the Dark Tower! You first missions should be to evade Orc patrols that might interfere with your goal and leave Mordor. If you are lucky (more on that later) you can reach “the Bilbo” before the Spooks get a sniff on you. Your only allies are your fellow pack-members (the other PCs).
Yes, the Ring is not with Bilbo, but what do you expect from Orcs. They didn’t receive the memo (that went to the Nazgûl). But confusion is part of the fun!
THE RULEZ!
Your pack starts big! (but not for long) A Funnel in the best DCC RPG tradition! Roll four 0-level Orcs for each player. The DCC RPG Core Rulebook for 0-level characters work here, except for the following:
First, roll two d6s of different colours for each Orc.
One d6 is the “good die”, the other is the “bad die”.
Each die indicates which stat is affected: 1 – Strength, 2 – Agility, 3 – Stamina, 4 – Personality, 5 – Intelligence and 6 – Hate! (yes, “Hate!”, more on that later).
The “good stat” is rolled with 4d6 (maximum 18).
The “bad stat” is rolled with 2d6.
If both die comes with the same number, ignore this rule.
Orcs live hard lives and most die miserably. The “bad stat” reflects which attribute was crippled by your upbringing and the “good stat” which one showed how you managed to survive. They also can be used as roleplaying tools.
ON ORCS AND LOW
STATS
Yes, Orcs can have a REALLY low Stat. What that means? I am glad you asked it.
- Strength 2 means you can only carry 1 item on each hand and NOTHING else. However, you are so puny and pathetic that you are going to be the target of an attack only if no other target is available (of course, if you attack someone forget this).
- Agility 2 means you roll a 1-5 natural roll on Agility Skill checks that is a Fumble. The Fumble should be comic and should probably hurt the closet ally or Minion (more on Minions soon). The “good news” is that you are so clumsy that if you roll a Fumble in combat (natural 1) ONE target in melee with you also suffers a Fumble (you are a walking disaster).
- Stamina 2 means you have to stop and take breath every other round (i.e. you only act once every other round in combat). However, you can play dead as a pro.
- Personality 2 means you are an animal and humanoids react to you the same way people would to a rabid dog. However, natural beasts treat you as predator and will avoid or (at first) won’t attack you.
- Intelligence 2 means you cannot speak any sentence with more than one word! The good news is that there is practically no difference between your brain and a rock (you are immune to charm and mind control, but not fear or madness).
- Hate! 2 means that you are constantly at the point of Burnout (more on that later) and operates on frustration and obtuseness alone. You are more bull-headed than a bull. Every time you miss an attack you add +1d4 to your next attack roll until you succeed. That is cumulative.
ORC OCCUPATIONS
Roll either 1d8
twice and choose or 1d10 once (Orcs start with one weapon, one ration and one
simple item of their choice, like a rope or a torch – or the Judge can roll
their favorite table):
1 – Lugbúrz:
you know about Sauron, his Captains and main servants, and you can identify
marks of different Orc bands or direction to Orc Enclaves (or even the lair of
powerful monsters). You are usually good at bossing around other Orcs.
2 – Half-Orc:
you are an experiment of Saruman, the White. Using a cowl or otherwise hidden
most of your face allows you to pass as a (very ugly) human. You are aware of
Saruman’s spy network and can speak most human languages.
3 – Morgul Rat:
you were created under the ghastly fist of the Witch King in Minas Morgul. You know
a lot about curses, magic, Wizards and similar stuff.
4 – Mirkwood
Orc: you lived around Dol Guldur and is trained in forest lore. You can speak
with spiders.
5 – Hai:
another experiment of Saruman, you do not suffer penalties under daylight (but
you can’t be a Voidcaller).
6 – Misty Mountains
Goblin: you know a lot about mines, dungeons and the underworld. Your hate for
Dwarves is legendary.
7 – Gundabad: you
came from far in the north. You don’t suffer from cold, you can climb really
good and speak with all kind of bats.
8 – Roving Orc:
you are part of Orc bands that rover the land. You are trained to find food
(horrible, but food) in places where even Orcs would starve. You are good at scouting
and reading tracks.
9 – Old One:
there are very few of you today and other Orcs believe you are immortal. You
came from the Dark East, where the Great Enemy, it is said, created the first
Orcs from corrupted and tortured Elven blood. You know all about Elves, including
their hated tongue (you can’t speak it, but you understand it) and how to hunt
them.
10 – Half-Troll:
a recent experiment of Sauron. You are always hungry and needs thrice more
food, but you can bite ANYTHING (even metal or rock given time). You deal 1d3 +
Strength modifier damage with your bite. You are the first one to suggest that
you pack eat their Minions when you are low on food.
ON ORC HATE!
Orcs don’t have Luck (they are probably the unluckiest creatures in the face of Middle-Earth). To compensate their miserable and violent lives, Orcs are powered by Hate! (with a “!”).
Hate! works exactly as Luck, with one difference: Hate! points spent in damage rolls or Critical Table rolls are doubled.
Orcs gain 1 point of Hate! every time they roll a natural 1 on a Skill check or Action Die, or when they suffer a Critical Hit (and survive of course).
Orcs also gain 1 Hate! the first time in the game session they see an Elf or Dwarf, or any group of 20+ Humans/Halflings (that includes most human towns). At the Judge’s discretion, seeing a place of pristine and unspoiled beauty also gives you 1 Hate! (once per session), but the Orc must find a way to spoil it before the end of the session or they will lose d3 Hate! points (this includes most Elven woods).
Orcs can gain more Hate! than their maximum. Extra Hate! is called Wrath!!! and every time an Orc gains at least 1 point of Wrath!!! they most roll a Will save DC 15 or go berserker. “Berserking” Orcs must attack/destroy something (even allies and Minions) until their Wrath!!! is spent. They won’t retreat, they won’t stop. They are immune to fear and have +1 Die Step to attack rolls, Strength rolls and damage rolls.
If your Hate! reaches 0, an Orcs must make a choice: they can try to reignite the flames of their Hate! or they can suffer Burnout.
Reigniting Hate! is easy: your Orc must immediately roll an opportunity (opportunistic?) attack against a Minion (or ally). If they hit, that backstab is a Critical Hit. The Orcs is back to Hate! 1 and life is good.
Burnout is
hard. The Orc has Hate! 0 for the rest of the game session and they are also
stunned for one round. The Orc is literally too spent and tired to move on.
After that one round they can act normally and start the next session with
Hate! 1. Finally, a Burnout Orc will suffer a backstabbing attempt from one of their
Minions (and that Minion will be treacherous from now on and should be eliminated).
The backstab moment is decided by the Judge. A good (Orc) way of avoiding this is
(of course) killing all Minions.
ON PVP
The entire idea
behind “Reigniting Hate!” is that Orcs can’t help themselves. They are a
backstabbing bunch but also absurdly (almost comically) frustrated creatures,
given to their literal role of cannon fodder for the Evil Overlord. That said, “Reigniting
Hate!” should be freely used against Minions, but as a Judge I would only allow
it to be used allies (i.e. other player characters) if the party authorizes the
gamble and is playing for (dark) fun. This rule is NOT made to encourage PvP.
ON PERCEPTION AND RANDOMNESS
Luck is used as passive perception in the DCC RPG Core Rulebook (active perception or search is usually Intelligence). If there is one thing that Orcs are good is perception (especially hearing and scent), so if the Judge needs to roll a Perception check for Orcs just roll a 1d20 + Orc level (except for sight during daylight, that is a flat d10). Finally, all Orcs have Infravision since level 0.
Now, if you
need to roll “Luck” to see if something bad will happen to someone in the pack,
just ask all Orcs to roll a d20. The lowest result is the unlucky guy/girl of
the moment.
ON MINIONS AND ALLIES
After the first game session (or first mission), every player will choose one of their 0-level Orcs to level up (see the Orc Classes below). All other 0-level survivors, if any, become Minions. They never level up, but if the leveled Orc dies, the player can elect a Minion to become a new 1st level Orc (either after the scene where the leveled Orc die or next session, Judge’s call).
After 1st level, every time an Orc levels up. Each 1st level Orc attracts one new Minion. Don’t bother rolling stats. Threat these Minions as +0 attack, +0 on all saves and 1d4 hit points NPCs. They have one 1d6 weapon and a random item chosen by the Judge (roll your favorite table). If the main Orc dies, the player just roll stats for a Minion and that poor creature is “promoted” to a 1st level Orc.
Orcs can try to
actively recruit, but this should be a special mission designed by the Judge
(Questing for the Impossible, the BEST rule of DCC RPG Core Rulebook ever). The
maximum number of Minions that an Orc should is 3 or his level (Judge’s choice,
usually I max it at 5 for each player).
ORC CLASSES
URUK (Class)
The big Uruks are Warriors. Ignore the Luck Weapon rule (Orcs don’t have Luck), instead of that grant the following ability to every Uruk:
All Your Hate
In One Blow: before rolling damage an Uruk can spend 1 Hate! They don’t need to
roll the dice and deal full damage. After the hit, the weapon is broken. Magic
weapons (good luck finding an elven/dwarven magic weapon that won’t bite your
hand) are not broken but are bent (-1 Die Step on all future attack rolls) and
can’t be used again for this rule.
SNAGA (Class)
These sneaky bastards are Thievies that follows the Path of the Assassin. However, they don’t have Disguise self (unless you are a Half-Orc), Forge Documents (idem), and Cast Spell From Scroll (unless you are a Morgul Rat). The good news is that if you are NOT a Half-Orc or Morgul Rat, you always carry TONS of poison with you. At any moment you can spend 1d3 Hate! and declare that you have poison with you (you either crafted it from local creatures while resting, or bleed it from your own dark blood… or stole from the last Orc pack you met):
“I have POISON!”
(1d20 + Snaga Level)
1-10 - Sleep/Short
Term Amnesia, choose one (can’t be used in combat, must be place in water/food,
enough to affect 1d6 targets); or
Pain (the first
time the targets roll an Action Die, it suffers 1d4 of damage, then 1d6, 1d8
etc., can save at the end of every round, lasts 1d4 rounds + Snaga level); or
Numbing (-1 Die
Step penalty to Action Die and Skill checks, can save every round, lasts 1d4 rounds
+ Snaga level).
11-15 - Deadly (3d6
damage in 1d3 rounds, save for half); or
Weakening (all
damages dealt are reduced by half, lasts 1d4 rounds); or
Paralysis (save
or target is paralyzed in 1d3 rounds, lasts 1d4 minutes).
16-20 - Doomed! (save or die, success leaves the target stunned 1 round in pain)
Big targets required double or triple the doses to be affected (Judge’s call). The Snaga still must roll a Handle Poison check and follow the same rules as a Thief.
Snaga recovers
Hate! real fast and are dangerous… but that is because (besides sneaking) they
are weaklings and usually small. To reflect that when you decide to become a Snaga
at 1st level, you must automatically reroll your Strength as a “bad
stat” (roll a 2d4). If the result is lower than your current Strength, then
that is your new value.
ON ORCS AND ALIGNMENT
The older I get
the most I can’t stand Alignments. I just don’t care. Orcs traditionally should
be creatures of Chaos, although their behavior in Lord of the Rings reflects a
very dark side of Law in my opinion. Anyway, in my home games I let a Thief
choose his Path unrelated to his Alignment and on this hack I don’t care about
Alignments.
WHIPMASTER (Class)
These boys/girls are the ones responsible for Morale in the troops. Mechanically, they work as Halflings, but remove Small and Slow. Whipmasters are (obviously) proficient with Whips and one of their weapons must be a Whip when using Two-Weapon Fighting. Whips deal 1d4 damage and have enough reach to hit targets from the second rank (3 ft. reach if you must). Whipmasters are cowards and have Sneak & Hide as Halflings (they use it a lot when in Burnout to flee their Minions).
Whipmasters can spend Hate! to help others as a Halfling and this is represented by them whipping other Orcs into “motivation” (this is just description, don’t roll damage). If a Whipmaster can’t whip an Orc, they can’t help that “poor” Orc.
Whipmasters can spend 1 Hate! before attacking to execute a Mighty Deed of Arms with their whips as a Warrior of the same level (i.e. they gain the Deed Die for one attack roll). Most Whipmasters use this to disarm foes or steal the staff of troublesome Wizards.
Finally, a Whipmasters can spend 1 Hate! to negate a fear effect (or Morale failure) of 1 ally or Minion that they can whip. This does not require an action.
There can be
ONLY ONE Whipmaster in a pack. If a NPC Whipmaster shows up, there will be a
fight eventually (or a backstab attempt).
WARG RIDER (class)
These mounted reavers also work mechanically as Halflings (but without Small, Slow and Hide & Sneak).
One of your Minions is always a Warg. The Two-Weapon Fighting of the Halfling class represent the bite of a faithful (?) Warg. Your Warg is your secondary attack and it can deal either 1d6 damage or attempt a trip attack. Warg damage increases +1 for every two Warg Rider levels. Your Warg moves at double the normal Speed (60 ft.) and can talk with wolves and Wargs. As long as you’re riding it, it obeys you (otherwise it must roll Morale if attacked and if it runs away, you have to track it and bring it back).
While riding your Warg your own attacks have a +2 bonus against targets that are on foot. Also, you can withdraw from targets on foot without suffering an attack of opportunity in melee. (Both these advantages won’t work against big monsters, such as trolls.)
Your Warg has 1d4 hit points per Warg Rider level. Every time someone targets you Warg, you can decide that they targeted you instead (and vice-versa). If the Judge needs to roll a check for your Warg, just roll either a flat d10 (untrained) or d20 (trained), depending on the Skill Check.
Warg Riders receive double the benefits of spending Hate! while riding their Wargs. Unlike Halflings, they can’t spend Hate! to help others. If their Hate! reaches 0 they are instantly dismounted (and bitten) by their “loyal” Warg (which will usually run away until the Warg Rider recovers 1 Hate!).
Warg Riders don’t
gain Minions when leveling up and must Quest for them. However, they can choose
to Quest for wolves/Wargs as Minions when doing so (just use Wolf or Dire Wolf
stats from the DCC Core Rulebook).
ON 2X AND 3X
HATE!
Both
Whipmasters and Warg Riders receive double the bonus from spending Hate! on some
circumstances. If they spend Hate! to boost damage or Critical Hits, the effect
is tripled.
SHIELDS SHALL BE SHATTERED!
This amazing
OSR rule is used in KILL BILBO. Uruks, Snagas, Whipmasters and Warg Riders can
use it: they can break their shields to negate one melee attack (attacks from
bigger creatures such as trolls or special attacks such as breath weapons are
decided by the Judge).
VOIDCALLER (Class)
Voidcallers are really rare and every pack con only have ONE. Your Orc must be a Morgul Rat to be able to learn this demanding “trade”. Voidcallers are a hack on the Elf class. They obviously don’t have mithril and are not allergic to iron… in fact, they LOVE iron armor and can use it as Clerics. They don’t have Heightened Senses or Luck. Voidcallers always suffer -1 Die Step for every action done under direct daylight or inside elven realms (and also can’t cast spells under the direct sunlight).
Your Supernatural Patron is one the of Spooks (and yes, you are playing a very dangerous game). Use Sezrekan’s Patron Check table. Every time the table says you are teleported, you actually summon the Dread of the Nazgûl and every enemy on sight must roll a Will DC check against your roll or flee (this doesn’t work against Elves). Another option instead of Dread is the creation of a dense and cold mist that only you can see through (this should give you a fair chance of escaping from Elves, unless of course those pointed-eared bastards banish the mists). The 24-27 results will either summon a very powerful Dread (that will probably taint the area for years to come) or summon enough mist to cover an entire town.
Sezrekan’s Patron Taint is perfect but change Third Eye’s references to the Eye of Sauron. All the stuff about consuming gold pieces and magic items must be changed to relics and treasure stolen from Humans, Dwarves or Elves.
Voidcaller with Hate! 0 will bring the attention of a Nazgûl in 1d3 days (Judge rolls secretly). The party must evade the Spook or (if caught) cajole it and give it REALLY good explanations for what they are doing (and probably do one dangerous mission for the Spook). If the Nazgûl suspects that the pack knows about the Ring and is trying to get Bilbo, it will kill them. End of the game.
Magic in the Middle-Earth is powerful but costly and rarely flashy. Voidcallers always require at least 1 Spellburn to cast a spell, but they can burn any physical stat, Personality or bleed a Minion! (killing a Minion will grant +2d4 to the spell check roll)
I am trying to create Mercurial Magic for Orcs but, to be honest, Goodman Games did an AMAZING job in that regard with DCC Lankhmar. So, I would advise using the Spell Stipulations instead of Mercurial Magic and the Nehwonian Corruption tables for your Voidcaller. All references to Luck should use Hate! and change Nehwonian references to Middle-Earth.
Finally, Voidcaller can’t burn Hate! to avoid Corruption or regain lost spells.
Your spell list is changed to this one:
1st
level
Animal summoning
Cantrip
Charm person
Chill touch (check my unbalanced version)
Choking cloud
Darkness (Cleric
Spell, -2 Die Steps to cast under direct sunlight)
Find familiar
(bats, wolves, frogs, giant bugs etc., Judge must approve type and powers)
*Invoke patron
(all Voidcallers have this)
Mending
*Patron bond (all
Voidcallers have this)
Resist cold or
heat (Cleric Spell)
Sequester
Sleep
Ventriloquism
Ward portal
2nd
level
Curse (Cleric
Spell)
Detect
invisible
ESP
Fire resistance
Forget
Invisible companion
Knock
Locate object
Lotus stare
(Cleric Spell)
Magic mouth
Mirror image
Phantasm
Ray of enfeeblement
Scare
Stinging stone
(Cleric Spell)
Shatter
Shield maiden
(this summon a lower wraith to serve you, the wraith is dispelled by direct
sunlight)
Wood wyrding (Cleric Spell)
3rd
level
Binding
Breathe life
Consult spirit
Dispel magic
Emirikol’s
entropic maelstrom (this is know as Lesser Black Breath)
Fireball (this
is cast on a casket filled with “black dust” made during your last rest, you
must place the casket in the place of detonation and cast the spell)
Gust of wind
Haste
Lightning bolt
(only outside, under a cloud filled sky and this beauty always require 1 Hate!
and 4 Spellburn – or a sacrificed Minion – just to cast)
Paralysis* 264
Phylactery of the soul
4th
level
Control fire
Desecrate
(Cleric Spell)
Transmute Earth
(casting time is the rolled result in minutes)
Vermin Blight (casting time is 1 minute)
5th
level
Hepsoj’s Fecund
Fungi
Lokerimon’s
Unerring Hunter (this summons something dreadful, a barrow-wight or Thing from
the Deep, only works at night)
Magic Bulwark
Mind Purge
Weather Control
(Cleric Spell)
ORC-DRAUGHT
The players now must select the Brewer. This is the Orc responsible for brewing the Draught, a burning and horrible concoction that is the closest thing to healing that an Orc pack has. There can be only one Brewer in the party (because Brewers are loath to share their secrets as that is their only advantage).
Every time your pack has some chance to rest for a night, the Brewer will roll a d20 and add his level. Divide the final result by 4 (round up). That is how many Orc-Draught doses the pack has. The maximum number of doses a Brewer can keep is the number of players plus the Brewer level.
Each dose, if drunk, will heal 1 Hit Dice. If the Orc rolls the highest number possible on a Hit Dice, roll again and add it (i.e. the die explode!). However, the total amount healed in this case is temporary and those extra Hit Points will disappear (the Judge should roll a secret d20 to find out on how many hours). Most Orcs die by drinking the Draught.
Instead of healing, 1 dose can be used to ignore one poison or disease effect for one day (if you reach an Orc Enclave, they can literally beat the poison/disease out of you later).
Each Brewer has one sack of secret ingredients and one big flask of Draught that is shared.
Because of its importance to the pack, Brewers can direct backstab attempts made against them to one of their Minions (if they don’t have Minions, they are out of luck).
When a Brewer dies, it is revealed that they had a secret apprentice in the pack. The players must decide which player was the apprentice. That apprentice is now the new Brewer. The new Brewer still needs to obtain the old Brewer’s sack of secret ingredients (or otherwise Quest for the Impossible to create a new one).
Brewers can, of
course, Quest for Impossible for more doses or stronger/different versions of
the Orc-Draught.
THE CAMPAIGN AND MAPS
A special rule that I like here is that Orcs don’t have access to maps or even an inkling of an idea of the shape of Middle-Earth. So they have only your descriptions, although Lugbúrz Orcs know how to find runes, marks and general directions to other Orc Enclaves. No maps! Let them try to find out the way. Voidcallers can try to track or detect the presence of Nazgûl through Invoke Patron but that is DANGEROUS.
INSPIRATIONS AND THANKS!
Besides (obviously) all those amazing Lord of the Ring RPGs (MERP, Coda, The Ring and homemade ones), this hack was inspired by Burning Wheel’s awesome Orcs, Paranoia and an older hack of mine for We Be Goblins! from Pathfinder. Finally, of course, Kill Bill. Now, the entire idea of KILL BILBO came years ago from a great post in RPGNet (that unfortunately I can’t find).
Just to be
clear: this is a satirical hack that should be played for laughs in the best
dark humour/Warhammer 1st fashion that you can imagine.
Finally, bear in mind that this entire madness was not playtested. I hope you like it!
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